25.10.09 - Honouring Jesus In Our Homes

READ Colossians 3:18-4:1


In our day and age, we are not comfortable with the idea of wives submitting to their husbands. Was this a first century principle that no longer applies? Did it not even apply then? Or was Paul just anti-women?

And how come he tells slaves to obey their earthly masters in everything? Why didn’t he, as a Christian, oppose slavery?

I think we need to see this in terms of the principles involved and then the application of those principles. In these verses, the application is in the home. The previous passage was about relationships within the church – same principles but applied in the church. Today, how are these principles to be worked out in the home – although few of us have slaves in our homes these days. But we do have husbands and wives; we do have children or are children; and maybe instead of slaves and masters we should think in terms of employees or employers. In that case, the principles are to be applied in the home and the workplace.

What are the principles? Is one that there is a God-ordained hierarchy of husbands over wives, parents over children etc? I am very reluctant to say “Yes”. I am reluctant because of other verses such as:

Gal 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

In Christ those old distinctions don’t exist. We are all one.

I am reluctant too because Ephesians, which contains a passage very similar to this one, says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Mutual submission. And actually, I think that is what we see in these instructions in Colossians too. The Bible teaches mutual responsibilities. Each party has certain obligations to the other. The fact that Paul gives instructions to wives, then to husbands, to children, then to fathers, to slaves, then to masters illustrates this mutuality of responsibilities.

Is there are hierarchy? Well, yes in the sense that children do have obligations to parents and so on. But it is a funny sort of hierarchy because parents also have obligations to children. Mutual submission – submitting to one another – means that no one ends up on top. That is the biblical sort of hierarchy.

And that was a radical message in the first century. Wives, children and slaves were all seen as things more than people. In the Jewish and Greek worlds, wives were seen as possessions and husbands could do what they liked with them. Jewish women had no legal rights. Greek women remained at home and catered for their husbands’ needs. The husband could go out and socialise and have other relationships. All of the privileges belonged to the husband and all of the duties to the wife.

Under Roman law fathers had the right to do whatever they liked with their children, including sell them into slavery or even condemn them to death and carry out the execution.

Slaves, of course, had no rights at all. They could be whipped or killed at their master’s whim. They had no right to marry or even to own possessions.

The mutual responsibilities that Paul spells out here were radical. That is the first principle: the principle of mutual responsibilities or mutual obligations.

The second is that every Christian lives under the lordship of Christ. In the nine verses we read, which were about wives, husbands, children, parents, slaves, master, how many times was Jesus mentioned? Seven, and implied one more time, so eight. Did you hear all of those references to Jesus? Did you recognise that He was so central? It all revolves around Jesus being our Lord. We are to act “as is fitting in the Lord”, doing what “pleases the Lord”, “with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord”, “as if we were working for the Lord” etc. If we look at the wider context, this is an ever-present theme. The preceding verse said, “Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” That should always be in our minds. “Jesus, in this situation, how can I best serve you?”

So, when wives are told to submit to their husbands, it is “as is fitting in the Lord”. So what is fitting for followers of Jesus? Would Jesus ask women to be doormats or to be abused by their husbands? No, so that is not fitting. What is fitting in the Lord? It is certainly fitting that women should show proper respect for their husbands and should work cooperatively with them, not opposing their husbands or humiliating them. It is fitting that wives should try to meet their husband’s needs. In fact, I suppose that everything listed in the 1 Corinthians 13 passage about love is fitting in the Lord: patience, kindness, humility, no selfishness, no keeping of records of past wrongs, etc. Wives do have responsibilities to their husbands – very significant responsibilities. Every wife needs to carefully consider what it means to submit to her husband in the way that is fitting in the Lord. What does Jesus require?

But Paul applies 1 Corinthians 13 to husbands. This would have been the shocking thing for first century society. Husbands are to love their wives! Husbands also are to be patient, kind, humble, keeping no record of past wrongs, not being selfish, etc. No longer is the wife simple for the husband’s convenience. She is a person who is to be cherished. She doesn’t exist only to meet her husband’s needs. He is charged with meeting her needs. It is mutual.

Specifically, this passage says that the husband is not to be harsh. Harshness would include speaking in a way that is critical or demeaning or puts his wife down, or acting in a way that is demanding and sees her as someone who can be given commands. Any husband who thinks these verses give him the right to be overbearing or demanding has completely misunderstood them. What is the opposite of “harsh”? Gentle, maybe. That is the responsibility on the husband: to treat his wife gently; to lift her up (not drag her down) and to nurture and encourage her.

Is there a hierarchy? Wives do have obligations to their husbands but husbands have maybe even greater obligations to their wives. The biblical principle is mutual obligations.

Children clearly have obligations to their parents. One of God’s Ten Commandments is that children are to honour their parents. It is clear throughout the Bible that that honouring of parents is part of God’s order and necessary for stable family and social life. Where it doesn’t happen, things fall apart.

That is reiterated here. Children are to obey their parents in everything. Clearly that doesn’t extend to doing evil. To take “everything” to include evil is taking it too literally. But the command is that children are to obey their parents. Parents have a God-given responsibility to set boundaries and to discipline and to guide. There’s no doubt about this. Paul says the obedience of children pleases the Lord. And society at the time would have expected children to obey their parents.

But again, the radical new thing that Christianity brings to it is the responsibility that goes the other way: the responsibility that parents have to their children. Actually, it mentions only fathers. Is that because fathers in particular need to hear this because fathers are the more likely to be hard on their children? Fathers are not to embitter their children, or to discourage them. There are many ways that children can be crushed: constant rebuke or constant correction; always being on the child’s back; harsh punishments; criticism. No parent has the right to break a child’s spirit.

So, what are parents called to? Boundaries and discipline, yes, but in the context of genuine love, willingly expressed. Genuine love, willingly expressed. John Newton, the author of Amazing Grace, said, “I know that my father loved me – but he did not seem to wish me to see it.” A child should know. The parents’ love should be very apparent. Too many children grow up in contexts where they don’t know they are loved or where they are hurt by their parents. Well, in homes under the lordship of Jesus Christ, parents have a responsibility to their children – the responsibility to love and encourage.

Martin Luther, the great Reformer, all his life, had difficulty praying “Our Father” because his father had been so stern. Luther talked about the need to balance discipline with encouragement. He said, “Spare the rod and spoil the child. It is true. But beside the rod keep an apple to give him when he does well.”

The shocking thing about Paul’s commands to slaves and masters must have been the idea that masters had to treat slaves with any sort of respect. But slaves might also have been annoyed. Shouldn’t Paul have commanded they be set free rather than saying slaves had to obey their masters in everything? We don’t have slaves. I think it is appropriate for us to think in terms of employers and employees.

Slaves are to obey. Being a Christian should make a slave a better slave. He is not to work only when the master is looking, or only to catch the master’s eye. That suggests it is only about appearances; only about what the slaves gets out of it; doing what looks good but being slovenly other times. That is not genuine. The slave is to consistently conscientiously. He is to genuinely serve his master not do only the minimum required.

He is to work with sincerity of heart – not filled with grudges or bitterness but sincerely being willing to serve. The basic principle here is that the slave is to see himself as serving Jesus. In fact, Paul specifically says “as if you were working for the Lord not human masters”. This is a paradigm shift. It is no longer that I work for Joe Bloggs but that I work for Jesus but Jesus asks me to do that by serving Joe Bloggs. I work for Jesus. The context is this school or this shop or this factory or whatever our workplace is.

As a servant of Jesus, how does He want me to work in this context; in this workplace? Conscientiously, wholeheartedly, as I would for Jesus Himself. That is how we are to serve.

But then Paul says “Since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord.” Slaves had no right to own property at all, let alone receive an inheritance. But for the Christian slave, now working for Jesus, there will be an inheritance. Take the eternal view. Serve Jesus as you should and you will receive an inheritance. There is no sentimentality here. If they do wrong, they will be repaid for their wrongs. God won’t show them favouritism. So the incentive is to do what is right, even as slaves. Then they will receive an inheritance.

Masters, (employers), provide your slaves with what is right and fair. Masters were not obligated to provide anything. But Christian masters? The standards now are to be justice and equity. Since when did slaves receive justice and equity? Slaves were to be treated as people with rights now.

Why? Christian master, because you also have a Master in heaven. The master also has a Master to whom he is answerable - for how he conducts his business. The master also will receive an inheritance if he does right or be repaid for his wrongs. Under the lordship of Christ, he must run his household (or his business) as Jesus would. How would Jesus treat slaves or employees? That is the standard now.

Mutual obligation and living under the lordship of Jesus Christ mean that every Christian wife and every Christian husband, every Christian child and every Christian parent, every Christian employee and every Christian employer must ask, “What is my responsibility before God? How would Jesus act in my place?” God is a husband and a father and a master. He models what those roles mean. We can learn from God. Jesus was also a child and a servant. Whatever He asks of us, He has already demonstrated. He has already demonstrated how to be submissive and how to love and how to work with sincerity of heart. Jesus has already shown us the way.

What is my responsibility? Don’t worry about the other person’s responsibilities. You worry about yours. Yes, the other person will have responsibilities to you. That is the nature of it: mutual responsibilities. But the other person’s responsibilities are the other person’s responsibilities, not yours. We ought to focus on our responsibilities. We cannot make the other person act in a particular way but we can submit our own actions to the lordship of Jesus Christ. What does Jesus require of me? Wives, submit to your husbands. Husbands, love your wives. Children, fathers, slaves, masters, be like Jesus and be obedient to Jesus.